To war!

The Perfect Natalia, as every perfect creature in this world (not that we have many of them) is very creative. What seems to be useful in her career as graphic designer. He works in a cable company, designing interfaces, billboards and other graphic stuff I can't even name, because I suck at art in every form. But anyway, The Perfect Natalia is also doing some side-projects for extra money. And it's a side project that made me so fucking angry today, that I completely forgot about my shit dissertation, ready to go to war.

For the last month, The Perfect Natalia has been intensely drawing tons of things for one guy, who is in fact, a physicist. Not that I'm prejudiced, but every physicist I met (excluding The Perfect Natalia's sister, who is awesome) was a fucking, slow-witted moron. I was hoping this one would be different but obviously I was wrong. From the very beginning, the guy couldn't decide what he really wanted, and the amount of projects was increasing (what was noted by myself very carefully, because I don't have a heart, I have a tiny, mean accountant in place of it). Maybe you don't know, dear readers, but when you hire a graphic designer it is similar to hiring a taxi driver. Or a hooker. You pay for every minute and every move made. And The Perfect Natalia worked for days and did stacks of projects. So, the physicist was about to hear some dreadful news about the amount of money he has to pay.

Today, our beloved employer called The Perfect Natalia saying, that to be honest, he won't need any of those projects, it was fun, we don't have to pay you, do we? Well, dear Mr. Physicist, you have to pay. Because that's how life looks like. Life is a bitch and from my point of view, you'll soon become mine and The Perfect Natalia's bitch if you start fussing about the price we sent you. So you better bend over and take what you deserve. Because excuse me, last year I successfully destroyed some old hag who also didn't want to pay my Perfect Natalia and I don't mind ruining this guys' life. My inner man roars for blood and I'm ready to mentally rape in the ass, without any lube, with a massive, black cock everyone who stands in our way.

I've reached the point where I should consider consultancy. Or in the more severe cases - organized crime.

Shoot me in the face and sing a victory song

My supervisor finally replied to my email.

At first, when I was reading it I thought "whoa, I'm fucking awesome!". But then after the very positive introduction it changed into "disasters", "wrong statements", "bad data" and "nonsense". Reading the comments causes me physical pain, because there is no way I can fix this. Why? Because I already sent my hard copy of the dissertation to Warwick. Also, when I was sending my supervisor the finished paper A WEEK AGO I clearly stated in my email that I WILL SEND THE HARD COPIES ON MONDAY 26TH OF AUGUST, because they need to be on time and I AM IN POLAND, YOU STUPID, OLD FUCK. He didn't react to that and ruined my life today at 2:37pm.

I'm generally screwed. Because I can't fix anything, because Warwick already has a different version. Also leaving me with ONE DAY to do some major modifications is plain cruel. There is so way I could fix the mistakes, print it and hand it in on time, even if I were in the UK.

After the initial shock that made me scream, cry, break everything, run like a headless chicken, call my Mum, my friends at Warwick, The Perfect Natalia, the prime minister and ultimately, the Pope, I calmed down. Because if I can't fix it, why get paranoid about it? What's done is done, there's nothing I can do about it. So nope, I'm not going to go mental about something that I can't change.

YOLO MOTHERFUCKERS.

Damn you, Warwick - a haiku

Made me pay 120 quid
for printing and sending hard-copies to you
I could live off this money for two months
I hope you burn in eternal fire
Cunt

I need this

This speaks to me on spiritual level. And I want this shirt. Maybe in different colour. But I still want it.

Feed the whale

Everyone is getting married while I only get more hungry and more horny.

Breathe

The air today smelled of broken hopes, grim ends and children's despair. You could feel the sad atmosphere of ending summer and the faint scent of fear. The fear of responsibilities, failed exams, dead dreams and shit cafeteria food. When I passed a group of teenagers on my way to the grocery store I saw the same blank, distraught stare in their eyes, the same I had every year by the end of summer. I was almost sure they would all burst into tears any moment. But they didn't. They just looked at me, as if they wanted to say "Fuck school, get bitches". Why, my young friends, why would I fuck school when I can fuck The Perfect Natalia instead? I'm way pass school problems. My only problem now is that air smells like the end of everything and that my beer is getting warm.

But I cleaned up the whole house today. And I'm getting more friend points with my neighbor. Today was the second day in a row when she had coffee at my place. We reached the point when I buy her cat food and she shows me her sex toys. Ach, it's good to have a friend again.

So not worth it

Oh my god it's prefect. And oh my god it was so expensive I might consider narrowing my eating habits only to cardboard in the next month.

The radio offers today only sad songs about lost love

I truly hope that's not a sign.

Today is the day. I printed my dissertation. Well, frankly speaking it is being printed right now and I'm on the verge of my nerves hoping everything will be alright. I'm already sweating like a pig and I can't focus on anything. Oh please, be perfect.

I woke up and finally decided to read it ONCE AGAIN to see if there are any mistakes. And it was this very moment that made me think that I have a typical love/hate relationship with my dissertation. On some days I hate and and I want to burn it. On others I think this is the most beautiful thing created by a human being. Today I thought like that. But after I left it at the printer's it struck me it truly sucks. An emotional roller-coaster. The best option is to pay for it, send it to Warwick and forget about it. Yes, that will end something and hopefully start something new.

Since I have no purpose in my life, I'm going to to some major cleaning up in our flat. This may or may not help me feel better. Currently I'm losing my mind over the fact that autumn is coming and autumn makes me feel like dog shit.

Night Fever

I'm quite positive a mosquito that just bit me was having a party with his friends and took part in a weird bet. Because I would not believe a mosquito would do something so reckless.

I noticed a mosquito flying around the room and decided to kill the little fucker before it drinks my blood. While hunting, I lost track of my victim and merely 30 seconds later I discovered a massive mosquito bite on my right hand. Can you imagine this? Tiny bastard managed to bit me while I was trying to kill him. It is absolutely impossible, so my theory goes like that.

A group of mosquitoes had a party and one of them was like "I bet you wouldn't go near this gal who kills us the moment she sees one of us" and the other mosquito answered "Oh yeah? I can do this, hold my beer". And he did.

What the fuck?

Commercial break

Oh my god, do I ever sleep?

Les Miserables Foxgloves

Massive breakdown today was a must. Before I went to buy cheese and salt for pizza I burst into tears, realizing how fucked I am and how I don't know what I want to do with my life. In addition, the weather looked exactly as my mental state. Dark, cloudy, autumn-like and depressing. So I sat on the bed and cried like a pansy I am, that my life is over and I might as well die from a heart attack or a stroke in this very moment. But I didn't.

The Perfect Natalia looked at me with pure worry and love in her perfect eyes and told me, that my life isn't over and I just have to stop being a pansy I am and do something. Send some damned applications for a start. Find anything and check if I like doing it. The main point of finding what I want to do is to try something. And then everything will be fine and dandy. The Perfect Natalia is right and I should stop worrying, send applications and one day someone will call me, I'll get some job and my life will gain meaning again. I sat on the bed, listening to the perfect voice of The Perfect Natalia and thought she's right. Being paranoid and losing my mind over random fears leads to nowhere. The hardest part is to start something. Time for me to start.

You wouldn't believe, but when she stopped comforting me, the sun came out and everything looked so much better.

But I bought an insane amount of toffee minitarts anyway. Just in case I have another mental breakdown.

21st Century Schizoid Fox

Today I woke up with an impression of sheer terror and paranoia, that I have no purpose in my life. I waste my time doing absolutely nothing and hating myself for it. Because I had no idea how to help myself I finally unpacked my two bags. And, there goes the worst part, it made me feel even more shitty. My wardrobe looks like a total mess and it's killing me from the inside. One day I'll have to look at those stacks of clothes and decide what stays and what should be thrown away.
The only positive aspect of today is that no evil, fungal matter attacked my bags.

This paranoid state may be caused my one, particular thing. My dissertation. It's finished but on the other hand isn't. The deed will be done when I'll finally print it and send it to Warwick. But I'm still waiting for my supervisor to reply to me. I'll wait till Friday. Than it's printing time. Today I really hate it, so I shouldn't look at it.

Shit, this blog looks like a very dark, depressed, schizophrenic stream of thoughts fueled mostly by randomness, coffee, oversized ambition and unfulfilled dreams. With the emphasis on those dreams. Currently I'm a paralyzed by every single bit of my life, that heads towards inevitable end of something. I remember very well the end of high-school. I almost lost my sanity freaking out what next. I ended up studying biotechnology so everything went surprisingly well. When finishing my undergraduate course I was also terrified, but I was already doing something for getting a place at Warwick. And now? Now I'm nothing, doing nothing with no plans, because I feel like an emotional wreck. So I'm terribly sorry, dear readers. This may be like that until the end of September. If I survive today's massive attack of depression.

The end is nigh

I didn't do anything yesterday, so I didn't die because of my insane productivity. However today I finally wrote this fucking abstract and sent the dissertation to my supervisor. And I fear what will happen now.

Frankly speaking, I'm not used to working with a nanny. I came up with the topic, talked with the guy a couple of times and just wrote the whole thing. End of story. I don't need reporting to him every chapter I write because I prefer to work on my own. I really don't get this supervisor thing. What is this guy for? To take my hand and lead me to beautiful, endless fields of knowledge? I don't think it works like that. And now I'm a bit concerned if he's going to be slightly mad at me or plain furious for disappearing in a cave for two months and returning with a finished paper. If he's furious I'll tell him that hero must go alone and he should be grateful I didn't bother him with the stupidest questions. I wrote my BSc thesis without any help (well, maybe a bit of it, but it was a lab project so you know, serious, explosive business), I can write an MSc one on my own. I'll get a shit end mark anyway, because Warwick continuously fucked me in the ass without any lubrication during the whole year giving me shit marks for hard work and awesome marks for stuff I wrote drunk as hell. As my dear, probably already dead because of the dissertation friend Moe said "Write this shit, be done with this MSc bullshit, get a job and start a new life". Good plan. Hopefully I'll get a job after this disaster that is called studying at Warwick.
Don't get me wrong, I loved the place and the course. I just still can't understand how my drunken presentation I did a day before the deadline was better than this piece of art I worked on for two weeks with no sleep.

 God, if he hates this dissertation and me for not writing to him I'm going to kill myself. 10 more days to the deadline and I need to print and post it to the UK, because Warwick is a dick and wants two hard copies in the digitized world. Why would you need a hard copy from INTERNATIONAL students, you heartless bastard?

With the end of the studying era, once again Fox sees nothing. And while staring at the endless, black void she once again rethinks her life and considers if becoming a penguin scientist on the remote Arctic wasn't a better life decision.

I really should change my life

Since I finished my dissertation I got horribly lazy, even more lazy than before, if that's even possible. I should edit this abomination and finally write the abstract, but I just can't force myself. I may do it today (I have to do it today), so I'll be done. I truly hate abstracts, to be honest. They are useless. Also after almost two months it's high time to unpack. Every single day I look with disgust at my two bags, filled with crumpled clothes that I put there in April. I have this paranoid thought that because of keeping my clothes in those bags some evil matter in a form of a fungi took over and damaged my insanely expensive suits, beloved shirts and my whole collection of earrings. Maybe that's why I still didn't unpack. Because I'm afraid this evil, fungal matter would be really a thing and that would mean my clothes are ruined forever. Coward you are, young padawan. Strength in yourself you have to find, to conquer the Dark Side.

Okay, will do this today. Also will edit the dissertation and write the abstract. The amount productivity may kill me, stay tuned.

Piss is the new black

She actually did. I should start getting money for predicting the future. I'm awesomely good at this shit.

Roland the cat finally lost his last remaining, still working brain cell and pissed on the carpet. No one knows why. No one knows what for. No one knows anything. He just did that, probably because the litter box needs major cleaning. Still, I don't recall having a posh cat from a cattery that needs diamond litter to shit on it. Anyway, that's the way to start a morning. With a warm stream of cat piss on the carpet.

Asshurt

Have you ever hated someone you never actually met so hard, that you decided to dedicate your life to writing a blog about how much you hate this person? For months? No? Me neither. But apparently I am someone's ultimate nemesis and it's been approximately 8 months since she started being my very peculiar anti-fan. I must say, this was a bit annoying at the beginning, then I found it hilarious but now I'm a bit afraid hating me is her only meaning of life. I may consider writing her an email to get a fucking life.

I was also considering letting some of the people from my previous blog that I'm leaving but why would I need this bunch of morons here? Also I'm quite sure those retards don't understand English that is more advanced than porn dialogues. So no. Or maybe I'll let know some of them. The ones that actually had brains not permanently damaged by god knows what. This makes me a hermit because I got used to tons of followers. But I prefer no followers rather than one hundred fucking idiots. I became a very cynical and antisocial person. I may even write another entry on my polish blog to make them even angrier. I do hope my psychotic anti-fan writes about me. She's a never-ending source of joy.

Countryside was fun, but I died a bit there. Mostly because of rum. Rum successfully burned a hole in my stomach and left me dying with my head in the toilet. Life is balancing between living and dying in agony because of one's own actions.

Hell is now and it's disguised as a red, plastic vacuum cleaner

After two hours of unplanned sleeping I finally got up to do something. Feeling very productive I took my vacuum cleaner and started this damned cleaning up, just to discover that my old vacuum cleaner has absolutely nothing to do with vacuuming. It just made strange, coughing, choking and wheezing noises, but this had nothing to do with actual sucking the dust. As a scientist by nature (a shitty one, but still a scientist) and because of sheer curiosity I decided to open the vacuum cleaner and look inside of it, to find the source of its pain. And oh, how I regret this decision.

Shortly speaking - I've opened the gates of hell.

Did you ever cared to stop and think about what's inside this plastic, inconspicuous thing? Because I did and I suggest you don't to this without any military and scientific training. I got attacked by a creature from another dimension, that hid in this little plastic bag for the dust. After a short battle when it was me who was coughing, chocking and wheezing I victoriously removed the creature from the bag, closed my poor, red vacuum cleaner and peace was once again restored. And my vacuum cleaner returned to its normal, sucking state.

Curry time!

Whatever part 1

Because I'm sure there'll be tons of "Whatevers" if this blog survives.

Fun news! Apparently my always ill digestive system decided to have another, fascinating disease! After ulcers, bacterial infections and internal bleeding I got colitis! So much win, digestive system. As if I didn't swallow enough pills already. The doctor suggested that this may have been caused by my recent endoscopy and that would make a lot of sense. I felt as if I was dying when I was getting prepared for the examination. Now my intestines are on fire as if my digestive system were starring in a never-ending, Rammstein music video. So yeah, colitis. Why not? I'm afraid to ask what's next, because I've finally reached this moment when every single piece of my bowels was ill.

Had a nice morning, when even though I slept merely for 3 hours I woke up fresh, happy and so-not-like-my-usual-grumpy-self. Fortunately, this state didn't last long, because merely 30 minutes later furious as fuck Natalia called that I didn't pack her wallet and, what follows, her bus-pass and she would be late to work. I tend to forget stuff, because I have an attention span of a goldfish. So my cheerful approach towards life disappeared and I'm back to being me again. Another day saved.

There are some plans on going to the countryside this weekend, but first I really need to do some housecleaning. Our flat looks like a shithole inhabited by a bunch of very messy students. I blame myself and my total lack of motivation towards anything that is not sleeping or wasting my time on the internet. It took me a whole month to write a goddamn dissertation, what did you expect? I still need to edit it, but let us not speak about it.

Also, I saw World War Z yesterday in the middle of the night. Figured out the solution way quicker than Brad Pitt. But it was a good movie. Obviously I had problems with falling asleep, because I'm a little pansy and will be always afraid of horror movies. Kinda embarrassing.

I've decided that this blog will be my stream of thoughts. I need a place like that.
Now time to do my stuff and then I can go back to being useless piece of absentminded shit.

Btw I'm growing more grey hair. I really AM getting old.

How to not give a fuck - the new beginning

Since forever I've been writing blogs. Tons of them died after a few entries, some of them are still alive. I've tried everything - personal blogs, secret blogs, writing blogs. And everything ended up practically the same. I got bored. Hopefully this time will be different.

First of all, I'm genuinely tired of writing on polish blogging platforms for one, particular reason - people. Maybe it was me choosing wrong friends, but people on blogging platforms I used were generally assholes. You could not have your own opinion, if it was an unpopular one. Because this would always end with a massive drama you really didn't want to take part in. The funniest part is that if you licked someone's ass everyone loved you. But try to reasonably criticize... Well, then you get flooded with pure hate. From the people who two entries ago loved you to death. I may be getting old, because once I cared about what people on the web said. Now? Now all I can do is shrug and leave them be. If they want to spread hatred just because someone disagrees with them on the internet - their choice. I don't have to be a part of it. Also it's always funny how they think I care. I really don't give a single fuck about how much they hate me. I've passed the point of staying in a hostile environment to fight with stupidity. Why waste my life on someone who has an IQ of an angry rodent?  

When writing my latest, polish blog I realized that out of over 100 followers there was maybe 5 people I could talk to about something more than getting wasted, getting bitches and so on. I truly love writing, but sharing this on my previous blog ended always the same. No one even noticed, because I didn't write about awesome stuff like drinking and sex. And I'm much more than that.

At some point I just stopped caring about this blog anymore. Of course, I'm still writing there but I don't really care about being nice to people I find plain stupid. Once I tried to be nice to everyone. Now I can't be nice to this bunch of useless hypocrites. Not everyone there is like that, obviously, but it's like a bad spice in a good dish. One component can ruin everything. So it's time to change the scenery.

I may have decided to do this because I finally finished my dissertation and have time for other stuff. For instance writing my projects and translating them to English, so I can publish them here. Wish me luck!