To war!

The Perfect Natalia, as every perfect creature in this world (not that we have many of them) is very creative. What seems to be useful in her career as graphic designer. He works in a cable company, designing interfaces, billboards and other graphic stuff I can't even name, because I suck at art in every form. But anyway, The Perfect Natalia is also doing some side-projects for extra money. And it's a side project that made me so fucking angry today, that I completely forgot about my shit dissertation, ready to go to war.

For the last month, The Perfect Natalia has been intensely drawing tons of things for one guy, who is in fact, a physicist. Not that I'm prejudiced, but every physicist I met (excluding The Perfect Natalia's sister, who is awesome) was a fucking, slow-witted moron. I was hoping this one would be different but obviously I was wrong. From the very beginning, the guy couldn't decide what he really wanted, and the amount of projects was increasing (what was noted by myself very carefully, because I don't have a heart, I have a tiny, mean accountant in place of it). Maybe you don't know, dear readers, but when you hire a graphic designer it is similar to hiring a taxi driver. Or a hooker. You pay for every minute and every move made. And The Perfect Natalia worked for days and did stacks of projects. So, the physicist was about to hear some dreadful news about the amount of money he has to pay.

Today, our beloved employer called The Perfect Natalia saying, that to be honest, he won't need any of those projects, it was fun, we don't have to pay you, do we? Well, dear Mr. Physicist, you have to pay. Because that's how life looks like. Life is a bitch and from my point of view, you'll soon become mine and The Perfect Natalia's bitch if you start fussing about the price we sent you. So you better bend over and take what you deserve. Because excuse me, last year I successfully destroyed some old hag who also didn't want to pay my Perfect Natalia and I don't mind ruining this guys' life. My inner man roars for blood and I'm ready to mentally rape in the ass, without any lube, with a massive, black cock everyone who stands in our way.

I've reached the point where I should consider consultancy. Or in the more severe cases - organized crime.

Shoot me in the face and sing a victory song

My supervisor finally replied to my email.

At first, when I was reading it I thought "whoa, I'm fucking awesome!". But then after the very positive introduction it changed into "disasters", "wrong statements", "bad data" and "nonsense". Reading the comments causes me physical pain, because there is no way I can fix this. Why? Because I already sent my hard copy of the dissertation to Warwick. Also, when I was sending my supervisor the finished paper A WEEK AGO I clearly stated in my email that I WILL SEND THE HARD COPIES ON MONDAY 26TH OF AUGUST, because they need to be on time and I AM IN POLAND, YOU STUPID, OLD FUCK. He didn't react to that and ruined my life today at 2:37pm.

I'm generally screwed. Because I can't fix anything, because Warwick already has a different version. Also leaving me with ONE DAY to do some major modifications is plain cruel. There is so way I could fix the mistakes, print it and hand it in on time, even if I were in the UK.

After the initial shock that made me scream, cry, break everything, run like a headless chicken, call my Mum, my friends at Warwick, The Perfect Natalia, the prime minister and ultimately, the Pope, I calmed down. Because if I can't fix it, why get paranoid about it? What's done is done, there's nothing I can do about it. So nope, I'm not going to go mental about something that I can't change.

YOLO MOTHERFUCKERS.

Damn you, Warwick - a haiku

Made me pay 120 quid
for printing and sending hard-copies to you
I could live off this money for two months
I hope you burn in eternal fire
Cunt

I need this

This speaks to me on spiritual level. And I want this shirt. Maybe in different colour. But I still want it.

Feed the whale

Everyone is getting married while I only get more hungry and more horny.

Breathe

The air today smelled of broken hopes, grim ends and children's despair. You could feel the sad atmosphere of ending summer and the faint scent of fear. The fear of responsibilities, failed exams, dead dreams and shit cafeteria food. When I passed a group of teenagers on my way to the grocery store I saw the same blank, distraught stare in their eyes, the same I had every year by the end of summer. I was almost sure they would all burst into tears any moment. But they didn't. They just looked at me, as if they wanted to say "Fuck school, get bitches". Why, my young friends, why would I fuck school when I can fuck The Perfect Natalia instead? I'm way pass school problems. My only problem now is that air smells like the end of everything and that my beer is getting warm.

But I cleaned up the whole house today. And I'm getting more friend points with my neighbor. Today was the second day in a row when she had coffee at my place. We reached the point when I buy her cat food and she shows me her sex toys. Ach, it's good to have a friend again.

So not worth it

Oh my god it's prefect. And oh my god it was so expensive I might consider narrowing my eating habits only to cardboard in the next month.