Fantastic Mrs Fox

Still unemployed.

Not that I spend much time sending applications. I'm in this weird state when I don't quite cope with the fact that it is the first time in FUCKING 18 YEARS that I'm not attending any educational institution. The last time was when I was five and still hoping to see a live dinosaur. So it was a long time ago.
I still remember when I did my first degree. I've stopped being Fox and became Engineer Fox. Didn't feel much difference, I was just drunk for two weeks straight. But after that I returned to being myself. Because seriously, an Engineer? Me? Lol.

And now I'm officially a Master of Science. So now I'm MSc Fox. Still not used to this title. And surprisingly I'm not drunk all the time, but I think I'm getting there. Or not.

My Mom told me once that I'm this type of person who can work all the time and when the time for a break comes (for instance, vacation), dies of heart attack. I didn't die of a heart attack, but I've become a lump of aimless, anxious mass.

In that case I'm spending my time watching some semi-okayish anime about titans, blood and emo boys. But they're wearing very tight clothes, so I can dig that.

Also I'm waiting for the file to download. The Perfect Natalia just told me that I could choose what episodes I want to download and it would be faster. I didn't. I'm a retard. With a degree. This makes everything worse.

Guess what

I'm a Master of Science! And I scored insane 76 for my dissertation. 68 for my course which is why I got overall merit. But still, I'm fucking awesome as hell.

PARTY!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME

OH
MY
GOD
WHY

WARWICK WHY. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

It's official. I'm not a student anymore. I'm a fucking unemployed hobo. Shiiiiiiiiiiit.

Time to open my next beer tonight.

Gain my vision, Visiongain

The hunt for a well-paid job that isn't prostitution begins. Because I was apparently awesome (lol, nope) I got this email address to this guy from Visiongain who was looking for market researcher to work in London. I got excited and terrified at the same time but thought, well fuck it, I might as well apply. It took me one whole day to write a perfect cover letter and today was the day. I sent the email with my application and the deed was done. In most cases they reply within a week or never, so happy that I did something towards my better future I went to the kitchen and made some tea. I came back and there it was. An email from the guy saying hello there Fox, here is a task for you so I can tell if you're fit for the job.

I got a tiny heart attack, I'm sure of that.

What I'm supposed to do is to write a short summary of an article they gave me. Sounds easy but everything depends on it and oh god, I really want this job. Fingers crossed.
Please, hire me. I want to work in this horrible city of London. I want to earn money and have a decent life.

Meanwhile my supervisor sent me an email. The title was "Coconut power!" and he didn't reply to my inquiry about career advising. Some things never change.

And now, the weather

Apparently I was an awesome student the whole year, despite my paranoid thoughts I sucked most of the time. I might have been one of the best, what suggest being picked for the The Most Promising Market Researcher group, that got an offer for a job in London. Hell, how did this happen? In this golden six there are five native Brits and me - the bundle of stress, nerves and over-sized ambitions.

Well, it's good to see I wasn't that bad this year. Also the farewell parties showed that I was, in fact, the source of energy for the whole course, at least 6 people were desperate to have sex with me and I was generally awesome. It's hard to say if everything I heard was the truth, because we had lots of wine and Jack Daniels during those conversations. I heard unspeakable things. And, with the help of God Almighty, I hope no one recorded the things that were said. Because that's a blackmail material right there.

Autumn came and this is depressing. I also spent the last three days doing nothing and feeling awesome about it. But it is high time for me to write this cover letter to London and pray they give me a well-payed job. And then I can focus on my Very Epic Renaissance English Court Story. Mostly because I want to write about my grumpy king, his very much intense sex life, amazing brother and later on, ever more amazing love story because deep inside I'm a sucker for love stories.

Yes, I confess. I'm a woman and I love romance. Deal with it.

The odds are in my favor and it is fabulous

I was about to write some depressing stuff about flights getting lost at airports and so on but GUYS, I JUST GOT AN EMAIL THAT I DON'T HAVE MY ORAL EXAM. This means I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! No more exams, no more studying, I'm basically a Master of Science and all this happened on Frankfurt airport, when I was waiting for my transferred flight. THANK YOU GERMANY. Even though you gave me only 30 minutes of free wifi, you stingy bastard.

Next stop - Birmingham airport and PARTY.

Kill the whale

Woo, going to UK today! So happy to fly a transferred flight and be there at midnight! So happy to have oral exams! So happy to have no perspectives for my future! So happy I can't even write a proper cover letter!

Someone euthanize me.

So hipster...

Lately life has been a bit shit. Well, maybe not a bit shit, but very shit. Trouble in paradise and stuff like that. But what are problems in comparison to my very own can of Jack Daniel's Coke Whisky? Yes, dear readers, I have bought this beauty yesterday and since then I have been worshiping it endlessly. This makes me a total hipster, because when I saw it in the shop I didn't think "Oh, I really want to drink it!" but "Oh, I will instagram the shit out of this can!". There is no hope left for me.

Currently I'm at the countryside, trying not to freeze to death and going to the woods to find animal carcasses. Nothing new happened, I'm the most boring person in the universe. The only fascinating thing that happened is that we found a Chicken in The Woods mushroom in our fruit garden. And it was delicious.

Vivas next week. Do not want at all. But after that - I'm free. No more studying, no more essays, no more exams and dissertations. Omg, what now?

Shoot me in the face and sing a victory song

My supervisor finally replied to my email.

At first, when I was reading it I thought "whoa, I'm fucking awesome!". But then after the very positive introduction it changed into "disasters", "wrong statements", "bad data" and "nonsense". Reading the comments causes me physical pain, because there is no way I can fix this. Why? Because I already sent my hard copy of the dissertation to Warwick. Also, when I was sending my supervisor the finished paper A WEEK AGO I clearly stated in my email that I WILL SEND THE HARD COPIES ON MONDAY 26TH OF AUGUST, because they need to be on time and I AM IN POLAND, YOU STUPID, OLD FUCK. He didn't react to that and ruined my life today at 2:37pm.

I'm generally screwed. Because I can't fix anything, because Warwick already has a different version. Also leaving me with ONE DAY to do some major modifications is plain cruel. There is so way I could fix the mistakes, print it and hand it in on time, even if I were in the UK.

After the initial shock that made me scream, cry, break everything, run like a headless chicken, call my Mum, my friends at Warwick, The Perfect Natalia, the prime minister and ultimately, the Pope, I calmed down. Because if I can't fix it, why get paranoid about it? What's done is done, there's nothing I can do about it. So nope, I'm not going to go mental about something that I can't change.

YOLO MOTHERFUCKERS.

Damn you, Warwick - a haiku

Made me pay 120 quid
for printing and sending hard-copies to you
I could live off this money for two months
I hope you burn in eternal fire
Cunt

So not worth it

Oh my god it's prefect. And oh my god it was so expensive I might consider narrowing my eating habits only to cardboard in the next month.

The radio offers today only sad songs about lost love

I truly hope that's not a sign.

Today is the day. I printed my dissertation. Well, frankly speaking it is being printed right now and I'm on the verge of my nerves hoping everything will be alright. I'm already sweating like a pig and I can't focus on anything. Oh please, be perfect.

I woke up and finally decided to read it ONCE AGAIN to see if there are any mistakes. And it was this very moment that made me think that I have a typical love/hate relationship with my dissertation. On some days I hate and and I want to burn it. On others I think this is the most beautiful thing created by a human being. Today I thought like that. But after I left it at the printer's it struck me it truly sucks. An emotional roller-coaster. The best option is to pay for it, send it to Warwick and forget about it. Yes, that will end something and hopefully start something new.

Since I have no purpose in my life, I'm going to to some major cleaning up in our flat. This may or may not help me feel better. Currently I'm losing my mind over the fact that autumn is coming and autumn makes me feel like dog shit.

21st Century Schizoid Fox

Today I woke up with an impression of sheer terror and paranoia, that I have no purpose in my life. I waste my time doing absolutely nothing and hating myself for it. Because I had no idea how to help myself I finally unpacked my two bags. And, there goes the worst part, it made me feel even more shitty. My wardrobe looks like a total mess and it's killing me from the inside. One day I'll have to look at those stacks of clothes and decide what stays and what should be thrown away.
The only positive aspect of today is that no evil, fungal matter attacked my bags.

This paranoid state may be caused my one, particular thing. My dissertation. It's finished but on the other hand isn't. The deed will be done when I'll finally print it and send it to Warwick. But I'm still waiting for my supervisor to reply to me. I'll wait till Friday. Than it's printing time. Today I really hate it, so I shouldn't look at it.

Shit, this blog looks like a very dark, depressed, schizophrenic stream of thoughts fueled mostly by randomness, coffee, oversized ambition and unfulfilled dreams. With the emphasis on those dreams. Currently I'm a paralyzed by every single bit of my life, that heads towards inevitable end of something. I remember very well the end of high-school. I almost lost my sanity freaking out what next. I ended up studying biotechnology so everything went surprisingly well. When finishing my undergraduate course I was also terrified, but I was already doing something for getting a place at Warwick. And now? Now I'm nothing, doing nothing with no plans, because I feel like an emotional wreck. So I'm terribly sorry, dear readers. This may be like that until the end of September. If I survive today's massive attack of depression.

The end is nigh

I didn't do anything yesterday, so I didn't die because of my insane productivity. However today I finally wrote this fucking abstract and sent the dissertation to my supervisor. And I fear what will happen now.

Frankly speaking, I'm not used to working with a nanny. I came up with the topic, talked with the guy a couple of times and just wrote the whole thing. End of story. I don't need reporting to him every chapter I write because I prefer to work on my own. I really don't get this supervisor thing. What is this guy for? To take my hand and lead me to beautiful, endless fields of knowledge? I don't think it works like that. And now I'm a bit concerned if he's going to be slightly mad at me or plain furious for disappearing in a cave for two months and returning with a finished paper. If he's furious I'll tell him that hero must go alone and he should be grateful I didn't bother him with the stupidest questions. I wrote my BSc thesis without any help (well, maybe a bit of it, but it was a lab project so you know, serious, explosive business), I can write an MSc one on my own. I'll get a shit end mark anyway, because Warwick continuously fucked me in the ass without any lubrication during the whole year giving me shit marks for hard work and awesome marks for stuff I wrote drunk as hell. As my dear, probably already dead because of the dissertation friend Moe said "Write this shit, be done with this MSc bullshit, get a job and start a new life". Good plan. Hopefully I'll get a job after this disaster that is called studying at Warwick.
Don't get me wrong, I loved the place and the course. I just still can't understand how my drunken presentation I did a day before the deadline was better than this piece of art I worked on for two weeks with no sleep.

 God, if he hates this dissertation and me for not writing to him I'm going to kill myself. 10 more days to the deadline and I need to print and post it to the UK, because Warwick is a dick and wants two hard copies in the digitized world. Why would you need a hard copy from INTERNATIONAL students, you heartless bastard?

With the end of the studying era, once again Fox sees nothing. And while staring at the endless, black void she once again rethinks her life and considers if becoming a penguin scientist on the remote Arctic wasn't a better life decision.

I really should change my life

Since I finished my dissertation I got horribly lazy, even more lazy than before, if that's even possible. I should edit this abomination and finally write the abstract, but I just can't force myself. I may do it today (I have to do it today), so I'll be done. I truly hate abstracts, to be honest. They are useless. Also after almost two months it's high time to unpack. Every single day I look with disgust at my two bags, filled with crumpled clothes that I put there in April. I have this paranoid thought that because of keeping my clothes in those bags some evil matter in a form of a fungi took over and damaged my insanely expensive suits, beloved shirts and my whole collection of earrings. Maybe that's why I still didn't unpack. Because I'm afraid this evil, fungal matter would be really a thing and that would mean my clothes are ruined forever. Coward you are, young padawan. Strength in yourself you have to find, to conquer the Dark Side.

Okay, will do this today. Also will edit the dissertation and write the abstract. The amount productivity may kill me, stay tuned.

How to not give a fuck - the new beginning

Since forever I've been writing blogs. Tons of them died after a few entries, some of them are still alive. I've tried everything - personal blogs, secret blogs, writing blogs. And everything ended up practically the same. I got bored. Hopefully this time will be different.

First of all, I'm genuinely tired of writing on polish blogging platforms for one, particular reason - people. Maybe it was me choosing wrong friends, but people on blogging platforms I used were generally assholes. You could not have your own opinion, if it was an unpopular one. Because this would always end with a massive drama you really didn't want to take part in. The funniest part is that if you licked someone's ass everyone loved you. But try to reasonably criticize... Well, then you get flooded with pure hate. From the people who two entries ago loved you to death. I may be getting old, because once I cared about what people on the web said. Now? Now all I can do is shrug and leave them be. If they want to spread hatred just because someone disagrees with them on the internet - their choice. I don't have to be a part of it. Also it's always funny how they think I care. I really don't give a single fuck about how much they hate me. I've passed the point of staying in a hostile environment to fight with stupidity. Why waste my life on someone who has an IQ of an angry rodent?  

When writing my latest, polish blog I realized that out of over 100 followers there was maybe 5 people I could talk to about something more than getting wasted, getting bitches and so on. I truly love writing, but sharing this on my previous blog ended always the same. No one even noticed, because I didn't write about awesome stuff like drinking and sex. And I'm much more than that.

At some point I just stopped caring about this blog anymore. Of course, I'm still writing there but I don't really care about being nice to people I find plain stupid. Once I tried to be nice to everyone. Now I can't be nice to this bunch of useless hypocrites. Not everyone there is like that, obviously, but it's like a bad spice in a good dish. One component can ruin everything. So it's time to change the scenery.

I may have decided to do this because I finally finished my dissertation and have time for other stuff. For instance writing my projects and translating them to English, so I can publish them here. Wish me luck!