Massive breakdown today was a must. Before I went to buy cheese and salt for pizza I burst into tears, realizing how fucked I am and how I don't know what I want to do with my life. In addition, the weather looked exactly as my mental state. Dark, cloudy, autumn-like and depressing. So I sat on the bed and cried like a pansy I am, that my life is over and I might as well die from a heart attack or a stroke in this very moment. But I didn't.
The Perfect Natalia looked at me with pure worry and love in her perfect eyes and told me, that my life isn't over and I just have to stop being a pansy I am and do something. Send some damned applications for a start. Find anything and check if I like doing it. The main point of finding what I want to do is to try something. And then everything will be fine and dandy. The Perfect Natalia is right and I should stop worrying, send applications and one day someone will call me, I'll get some job and my life will gain meaning again. I sat on the bed, listening to the perfect voice of The Perfect Natalia and thought she's right. Being paranoid and losing my mind over random fears leads to nowhere. The hardest part is to start something. Time for me to start.
You wouldn't believe, but when she stopped comforting me, the sun came out and everything looked so much better.
But I bought an insane amount of toffee minitarts anyway. Just in case I have another mental breakdown.
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